Reddit reply in r/MuslimCorner: deleted by user — February 1, 2025 | Ali Shukri Amin

I don't know what you expect from people who are in love for 8 years and not married. Typically, people should get married after no more than 3 months and sometimes after a few weeks.

You are also a participant in hugging and kissing so it isn't just him. Unless he's forcing you, in which case that's a big problem. However it seems you are reciprocating.

This has gone on way too long. It doesn't matter how religious a man is when we're talking 8 years of waiting for marriage. Umar bin al Khattab refused to teach women Quran in private for fear of falling in fitnah, so what about regular people?

Your comments seem to be detached from normal romantic and sexual norms.

Obviously what you two did was haram but the real issue is that the marriage has been delayed so long.

An-Najm 53:32

ٱلَّذِينَ يَجۡتَنِبُونَ كَبَٰٓئِرَ ٱلۡإِثۡمِ وَٱلۡفَوَٰحِشَ إِلَّا ٱللَّمَمَۚ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ وَٰسِعُ ٱلۡمَغۡفِرَةِۚ هُوَ أَعۡلَمُ بِكُمۡ إِذۡ أَنشَأَكُم مِّنَ ٱلۡأَرۡضِ وَإِذۡ أَنتُمۡ أَجِنَّةࣱ فِي بُطُونِ أُمَّهَٰتِكُمۡۖ فَلَا تُزَكُّوٓاْ أَنفُسَكُمۡۖ هُوَ أَعۡلَمُ بِمَنِ ٱتَّقَىٰٓ

Those who avoid the major sins and immoralities, only [committing] slight ones. Indeed, your Lord is vast in forgiveness. He was most knowing of you when He produced you from the earth and when you were fetuses in the wombs of your mothers. So do not claim yourselves to be pure; He is most knowing of who fears Him.

Ibn Kathir said,

الَّذِينَ يَجْتَنِبُونَ كَبَـئِرَ الإِثْمِ وَالْفَوَحِشَ إِلاَّ اللَّمَمَ

(Those who avoid great sins and Al-Fawahish (immoral sins) except Al-Lamam), Al-Lamam means, small faults and minor errors. Imam Ahmad recorded that Ibn `Abbas said, "I have not seen anything that resembles Al-Lamam better than the Hadith that Abu Hurayrah narrated from the Prophet ,

«إِنَّ اللهَ تَعَالَى كَتَبَ عَلَى ابْنِ آدَمَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الزِّنَا، أَدْرَكَ ذلِكَ لَا مَحَالَةَ، فَزِنَا الْعَيْنِ النَّظَرُ، وَزِنَا اللِّسَانِ النُّطْقُ، وَالنَّفْسُ تَتَمَنَّى وَتَشْتَهِي، وَالْفَرْجُ يُصِدِّقُ ذلِكَ أَوْ يُكَذِّبُه»

(Verily, Allah the Exalted has decreed for the Son of Adam his share of Zina and he will certainly earn his share. The Zina of the eye is by looking, the Zina of the tongue is by talking and the heart wishes and lusts, but the sexual organ either substantiates all this or not.)" This Hadith is recorded in the Two Sahihs. Ibn Jarir recorded that Ibn Mas`ud said, "The eyes commit Zina by looking, the lips by kissing, the hands by transgressing, the feet by walking, and the sexual organ either materializes all of this or not. When one commits sexual intercourse, he will be someone who committed Zina. Otherwise, it is Al-Lamam." Masruq and Ash-Sha`bi also held the same view. `Abdur-Rahman bin Nafi`, who is also known as Ibn Lubabah At-Ta'ifi, said, "I asked Abu Hurayrah about Allah's statement,

إِلاَّ اللَّمَمَ

(except the Lamam), and he said, `It pertains to kissing, winking one's eye, looking and embracing. When the sexual organ meets the sexual organ in intercourse then Ghusl is obligatory, and that is Zina."

What you are describing is called lammam and is overlooked. If you string this guy along and then leave him, that may be dhulm, and dhulm is not overlooked.