Reddit reply in r/MuslimLounge: is a nonvirgin man a turn off when seeking a — October 19, 2022 · iszvm0k | Ali Shukri Amin

It's possible for a man to be confident even if he is not sexually experienced but I don't think it is possible for a man to be totally comfortable around women without having sexual experience. There is a certain nervousness to doing something you have never done before.

The simple reality is that when you have never done something before, it makes you nervous. Some people are able to train themselves to grit to approach totally new things with confidence, but when something is central to your identity, like sexuality, and it is underdeveloped - the longer it goes unaddressed, the harder it is to approach from a sense of confidence.

When you miss certain developmental milestones it's possible for some people to cope with that or even overcome it, but they are developmental milestones for a reason. The rule is that human beings deprived of certain things end up suffering due to that deprivation.

Imagine a child who was not allowed to learn to read or write until they are 30. They were artificially barred from an education and never provided one. Is it possible that an illiterate 30 year old can read or write? Yes. Is it likely they will pursue it after so long once given an opportunity? No. Most 30 year olds do not want to be in a classroom with kindergartners and would feel incredibly embarrassed by doing so. Is it possible that 30 year old can attain a post-graduate reading level? Yes. But the statistical likelihood of that happening is far below 1%.

The same is true of sexuality and relationships. The longer a person waits to acquire any skill or begin any endeavor in life, the harder it gets. People that do things when they are younger or learn things when they are younger are more advantaged. They are more privileged.

Privilege is not just a financial concept. It's also a social concept. There is social privilege. Just like a child having wealthy parents gives them a huge advantage in life, especially in making money in the future, so does a child with parents that get them married young have a huge advantage. For kuffar this comes in the form of a father teaching a son how to attract women or a mother teaching a young girl how to obtain the best boyfriend.

Our community is creating artificial scarcity of marriage and relationships. This means people have to learn how to have relationships and engage in sex well after they have missed fundamental developmental milestones. Is it possible for many of them to still learn how to have happy marriages much later in life? It's possible. However that will not be the rule.

Just because we don't like how something is in life, it doesn't mean we can deny it. The facts are the facts. This is how life is. We can choose to acknowledge it, respect it, and form our communities around the reality of what it is to be human - or we can continue to live in fantasyland.